Save Me From Myself
by ChibiMizu
Summary: Angsty thoughts and suicide! ^^ Later chappys to come! ^^ Yaoiness


"Save Me From Myself."  
by: ChibiMizu  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own DBZ, never have, never will...  
  
ChibiMizu: *sighs* CheeseMaster went on VACATION (w/o telling me) cuz he said he don't get enuf pay (he don't even get paid!) For all I know, he wont come back. I'll open auditions for a new muse but in the meantime, *looks thru muse drawer* you'll have to do...  
Sweet Coron: Hewwo ChibiMizu!  
ChibiMizu: *gets all googly eyed* KAWAII!!! 4 all those who dunno, Sweet Coron is from 'Hello Kitty' (which i dun own also) and he is a bee! SO cuuuuuute!!  
Sweet Coron: Hee hee  
ChibiMizu: Enuf mush! *sniffles* Angst! MAJOR angst! yaoi (multiple pairings), angst, minor fluff/sap, angst, sum language (bad and japanese) (did I mention angst?) GET THE PICTURE??!!  
Sweet Coron: Why don't you write a happy fic? Maybe one with flowers?  
ChibiMizu: Flowers eh? (look I'm Canadian!) Ooo... *as plot fairies dance around my head* Next fic I write will include... flowers... in more wayz than one... hehehe  
  
~Prolog~  
  
*guess the POV*  
  
I sit and watch as everybody laughs and smiles. Sure I'd love to join in on the fun but...  
I don't know how to be happy...  
All my life, it's one pain to the next, whether mental or physical.  
Never have I had peace with myself.  
As if I'm not supposed to be calm, always uptight.  
From loosing friends multiple times to dieing myself, life hasn't been that great.  
Sure, I've thought of suicide, just to end it all. Numerous times the idea has haunted my thoughts, invading in my life. But I know if I did kill myself, they'd just wish me back. I could always take Dende with me but... he's too young to have to die. And besides, it wouldn't be worth more pain to myself...  
  
...  
  
At the moment, the pain is mental.  
I never had what I wanted my whole life and now my want is so much stronger. I couldn't ruin him like that though.  
Heartless...  
That's what I wish I was. Then I wouldn't have have deep feelings for anybody, especially him. Then I wouldn't care...  
But unlike what I want, again I don't get it and I do care. I do have pain. Anything I ever wanted is right there, inches way from me but I dare not reach for it. Being forgotten while still alive is a fate worse than death. I dare not try to make my life worse that it already is.  
Let my life prolong itself with bitter regret and hopelessness. Maybe one day, when I know I'll die and wont come back, when he'll never see me again, I'll tell him. Tell him about the real me. The careing, loving me. The weak, pathetic me. Cover up love with hate and nobody can tell. Without me actually speaking these secrets, nobody will know. Ever a word about me, the real me, got to him, I would never see him again. I couldn't live...  
I'd detroy myself so I couldn't come back. No matter what, I'd keep ripping apart my soul until there was nothing left. Ever so slowly, I'd fade into nonexistance and be forgotten   
Maybe, this will happen, and become truth. But, could I die without telling him? Could I die knowing that he never knew? That I cared? I couldn't even rest in the afterlife knowing he never found out my true feelings.   
Dare I tell him?  
Damn...  
Please soul, stay alive just long enough to tell him. Tell him then disinigrate. I couldn't bare to see the look of disgust and disownment before I died, die...  
Whichever comes first...  
Maybe, If I just die, then II wont have to tell him.  
Could I die like that?  
Shit...  
Dear kami...  
Why did kami ever make me so... upsetting?!  
Kami, how can so much pain, want and need of death be made into one being?  
  
...  
  
Gohan?  
Can you save me from myself?  
  
~End prolog~  
  
ChibiMizu: OOookay! That was... crappy... But it was the prolog so it has an excuse to be short! ^^ And if you figured out the POV, review and tell me and I'll tell ya to see if ur right or not! I gave no hints as to who so HA!  
Sweet Coron: You're a very depressing person ChibiMizu... @_@  
ChibiMizu: I'm sorry! *cuddles* It's ok, I have an idea for the next chapter... maybe something happy?  
Sweet Coron: YAY!  
ChibiMizu: N e wayz! PLEASE review! I shud get SOME credit for writing this during first period Global History ^.^;; don't get caught! THAT would be BBBAAAAADD!!! 'specially if my teacher (who is going to JAPAN! not FAIR!) took it and read it to the class! Not that it's THAT bad or n e thing! Heh... so review! Thankies and JA NE!! 


End file.
